some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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