3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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