Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
