and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
