i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize