6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
