walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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