Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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