the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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