we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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