i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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