Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
