We won't sleep together?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
