Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
