oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
