remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
