I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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