I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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