a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
