How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
