Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
