why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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