Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
