I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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