just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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