can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
