I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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