My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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