My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
