she smelled like a LAN party
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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