She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
