after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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