is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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