oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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