That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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