I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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