Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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