just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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