Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
