sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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