i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
