Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
