in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
