So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Welp...herpes.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
