I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who died my cat blue again?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
