Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
