If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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