I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize