i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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