yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
