Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
