took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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