I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
