I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
