I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
