Yo dont text me then not text me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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