Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
