If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
