I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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