this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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