it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
