I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
