Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
