we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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