Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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