I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
