We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
