i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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