apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
