I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
