And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
