it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
