and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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