you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
