I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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