Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
