Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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