Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
