he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
