I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
