ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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