your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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