So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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