i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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