very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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